It’s been a very long time since I last posted a blog entry that solely contains what I feel and what’s been running on my mind. After the whole issue about DBSK splitting to JYJ and the new DBSK composed of HoMin, I haven’t written a lot of opinionated posts anymore. I actually missed writing such posts and I have attempted a lot of times to try and write one again but I just don’t seem to have the motivation to write anything anymore. Maybe it’s because most of the time, voicing out what I feel and what I think of the situation hurts so much. I just stopped writing because I wanted to avoid the pain.
But tonight, I just can’t help but express what I feel by writing an op-ed. I’ve been holding back for so long that I think it doesn’t matter anymore if I’m being re-acquainted with the pain I felt because of DBSK.
For the past few days, I’ve been checking out information about SM Entertainment’s new group EXO. I was curious because a lot of the people I know who likes to listen to K-pop has been talking about this rookie group. True enough, they are indeed an interesting bunch of guys. I think their songs are good, they have powerful dance choreography and the members Luhan, Kris, Sehun and Suho really caught my attention. I was ALMOST ready to join in the EXO bandwagon and start fangirling over them.
But then everything changed when I saw a video yesterday while looking up for some videos of EXO. It was a video of DBSK’s performance of Bolero during their 4th Live Tour in Tokyo Dome. I clicked it and watched the video and suddenly, I found myself mesmerized by DBSK all over again. I suddenly found myself crying while watching my precious boys singing and I ended up watching a lot of their old videos and cuts from their concert tours.
Watching their videos made me realize so many things that I think I have tried to neglect and forget ever since they split into two groups.
I realized that because I was trying to avoid the pain of seeing them separated, I slowly and unconsciously drifted away from DBSK. I busied myself with work and attempted to try to look for another K-pop group to like and support. But even though I’ve been trying to ‘discover’ other groups for months now, I still can’t find a ‘suitable’ one to replace DBSK. I don’t see myself following their careers and sharing their happiness and pain like I did with DBSK. At first I thought I might really be losing my interest in K-pop, that maybe I’m getting tired of it. But now I know why I can’t seem to love any other K-pop group. It’s because DBSK is really irreplaceable. What other Cassies say is true, once you’re into DBSK, there is no turning back. I think if you’re a hardcore DBSK fan, a Cassiopeia, it’s really hard to like other groups because DBSK is just so great that it would be hard to look for a group who could match their greatness. What they have and what they can do is beyond anyone’s imagination. I have not seen any other group that can produce a beautiful harmony as DBSK. DBSK is the most precious miracle that happened in Asian pop.
I also realized that no matter how much I’m hurting over the fact that Yunho and Changmin still uses DBSK as their name and no matter how much I try to ignore them in hopes of reducing the pain and disappointment I’m feeling, I still care for these two guys so much. I may be more vocal of my support to JaeJoong, Junsu and Yoochun and I may be indifferent towards Yunho and Changmin but that doesn’t mean I don’t love them anymore. Yes, it still disappoints me whenever I hear them use the name DBSK to refer to their two-member group, it still hurts whenever I look back at the interviews where they said a few statements that could have hurt their brothers but then I realized it’s impossible for me to hate any of the five members because they are still, and always will be my most treasured boys who hold a very special place in my heart.
And lastly, I realized how much I miss Cassiopeia. I miss the Red Ocean, that awesome fandom who is willing to do anything for our five stars. Part of the reason why the separation of DBSK is such a hard thing for me to bear is because along with the group’s split also came the division of Cassiopeia. For someone like me who draws strength from the knowledge that Cassiopeia is still one and united, the division of the fandom was something that really broke my heart. During the early period of the split, I had managed to keep my hope and faith intact but when I realized that Cassiopeia is slowly breaking into two just like DBSK, I lost hope and I myself began to take sides. But after looking back at Cassiopeia’s efforts for DBSK in the past, after looking at how beautiful a united Red Ocean looks like, I realized that I shouldn’t have given up and that I should never give up. Yes, it’s painful to know that K-pop’s most awesome fandom is in chaos right now but I believe that there are still those Cassies who still believe in the five members, those who are still keeping the faith. I also believe that those who have tried to run away and find comfort in another group/fandom will still come back to Cassiopeia and DBSK in the end, just like what happened to me. After all, once a Cassiopeia, always a Cassiopeia.
What DBSK and Cassiopeia has is a special bond like no other. We are at a point wherein our relationship is no longer that of an idol-fan. DBSK and Cassiopeia have become one in heart, mind and soul. We are no longer two separate beings who can easily turn away from each other. Through the years, we have shared each others’ happiness and pain and we’ve been through a lot of challenges together. This is another challenge that we have to face and we just have to stay strong for each other. One day, I believe that we can pass through this and all of this will be over. We just have to ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH.
It feels great to be back home where I truly belong – to DBSK and Cassiopeia. :)